A Means To A New Life
Two years ago and three weeks ago today, on New Year's Day in the afternoon, I fell and hit my head. I couldn't move at first and started throwing up everywhere. I was diagnosed with a severe concussion, which was probably my 4th, and severe whiplash. Months later I was diagnosed with post concussion syndrome, a year and almost a half later I pushed a doctor to do a specific test and was diagnosed unequivocally with a disorder called Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome, P.O.T.S. for short.
(Click for info on P.O.T.S)
Today I decided to start a blog. I've gone through a lot and feel like I'm still doing so. I want to be who I was just over two years ago but know it may never be possible again, although I do not give up hope that this disorder will magically disappear, I am a very realistic person and know that the likelihood is pretty much unfathomable. I'm finding it hard as others don't seem to understand me, even those I feel are close. I know that people don't see the struggles I go through on a daily basis and more so I know I hide a lot from others because I don't want to be different, I still want to be myself but I just feel so misunderstood and alone. I feel like I should stop hiding it all because I think it will somehow make me feel better and maybe even in some way help someone else.
Even writing this is hard, forcing my body and brain to try and come up with the words that I know are in my head and to lay them out on the page for me to go over twenty times to correct the incoherence, the disconnect of my written words from my thoughts. I've been thinking of this for awhile and feel it's finally time. I want to be able to express myself, to be completely honest with my reality. I want to explain what I'm going through and how I feel without bombarding my Facebook world with the statuses of my everyday thoughts and struggles. My brain although slightly broken is running a mile a minute or what feels like 10, 000 miles a minute.
I'm not giving up and I know now that I will have postings in the future of struggle, failure and pain but I want to try to be more than I am now. I want to TRY and see where my new life may lead me.
What Can I or Can I Not Do??? That is the question.
(Click for info on P.O.T.S)
Today I decided to start a blog. I've gone through a lot and feel like I'm still doing so. I want to be who I was just over two years ago but know it may never be possible again, although I do not give up hope that this disorder will magically disappear, I am a very realistic person and know that the likelihood is pretty much unfathomable. I'm finding it hard as others don't seem to understand me, even those I feel are close. I know that people don't see the struggles I go through on a daily basis and more so I know I hide a lot from others because I don't want to be different, I still want to be myself but I just feel so misunderstood and alone. I feel like I should stop hiding it all because I think it will somehow make me feel better and maybe even in some way help someone else.
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| My Old Self : One of the Last Photos of Myself Before My Accident |
I'm not giving up and I know now that I will have postings in the future of struggle, failure and pain but I want to try to be more than I am now. I want to TRY and see where my new life may lead me.
What Can I or Can I Not Do??? That is the question.
You've made two right decisions:
ReplyDelete1. To speak up your mind and to share your pain/worries with those who love you and care about you.
2. To TRY.
But you know what the most amazing thing is? You are ready to get to know your "New Self" and I'm sure you will come to terms with your new brain functioning.
You are not different, darling, you are special :)
Love, Silvia.
Way to go sister. Remember you have a lot of people that care about u and wish we could turn back the clock or help take away some of the difficulties u face everyday. Love u! Karen and family
ReplyDeleteEmbracing a new life is the true sense of Character. It's something you can do. By writing this blog, it's something you've already done.
ReplyDeletexo Diya
And I did mean "Test of Character " xoxo
DeleteDearest Rose, it must of taken a lot of courage to write a blog like this. I commend you for that. I cannot imagine the ailments your enduring. It sounds so awful and it breaks my heart. My family and I are constantly praying for you. We pray and hope that you find a way that heals your POTS. I know that it seems like none of this can be a positive thing but I would like to share some light to this unfortunate circumstance. First you are going to find out who your real friends and family are. You'll see how much John and the rest of us love and support you. Through this blog you'll find out alternative healing suggestions, encouragement, support, therapy for getting things of your chest and most of all love. I wish you all the best and know that I am very busy mommy to my sweet little girls and I can't be there for you always but I do love, care and support you.
ReplyDeleteLove you sista,
Char and Family
:) :-) :-D
Thank you so much for your kind words and support. I hope in some ways this helps.
ReplyDeleteIt will...
DeleteHang in there...
We are here for you...Char��