An Episode
Last night I was scary ill. I don't know what else to call it other than "An Episode". I've had them before but I think this one was one of the worst due to my inability to control myself, which is extremely scary.
My head had been hurting for awhile - the usual bad headaches - and it just wouldn't stop. I stopped doing all the millions of items on my to do list even though I knew I had so many important things to get done, including calling my niece for to wish her a happy birthday. I feel like an awful aunt for having to miss that. I felt too nauseous to eat, so I only ate bread and butter for dinner. I drank gatorade. I took two sips of rosehip tea and couldn't do anymore. I was chatting for a bit online with my friend Aaron but it was too taxing. I tried typing and had to concentrate on each letter. Eventually my words became gobbledygook. I told him I couldn't chat anymore with such prophetic words; "I'm done". My father also called, I couldn't answer the phone and my bf was cooking so he couldn't answer the phone either. Dad's message included that he apparently got some stupid charge from the tow company that towed his car, that we were borrowing, although we have coverage and they said we were covered they still sent him a charge. My bf called him back and I tried talking to him but it was too hard. I'm suppose to call the company today to try to straighten things out but I think that will have to wait until tomorrow.
The pain, headache, incoherence and nausea turned to a full blown out episode which means moving to severe migraine zone amongst other things. I wanted to rip my head off from the pain. Any movement was excruciating. I felt like puking everywhere. I fell to the floor in the living room, where I stayed for awhile until John helped me to the bathroom. I took a naproxen while on the floor. I knew my face was continually contorted in pain. I couldn't throw up. It was just my body convulsing in the throw up mode and then just lots of saliva and I guess you'd call it the dry heaves. I couldn't control myself. I couldn't speak properly. My body was shaking. I wanted to go to the hospital but knew I couldn't make it there and figured there wasn't much they could probably do. I think next time if I'm that bad I'll go, at least the craziness will be documented by others. Maybe a saline drip or at least some meds that could have stopped or lessen the pain, even though I hate taking meds, I was desperate enough last night to not care. I was such a mess. John had to carry me from the bathroom floor, into our bedroom. By then it was full blown. I was uncontrollably crying and shaking. My teeth were chattering and my whole body convulsing. I felt short of breath and my head hurt so bad. My head was pulsating so much I felt it was going to explode. My bf had put me under the blankets and curled up behind me, to try and comfort me and warm me up. I couldn't stop thinking about how I just wanted my head to be gone, so I didn't have to feel the pain. After about what I guess was at least 15 minutes the shakes on the outside subsided. The rest took a long time to subside. I still feel shaky today but I'm not shaking violently. I literally couldn't move. I tried to roll over last night and the pain shot through my whole body, emanating from my head. Luckily my body shut down and went to sleep. Literally it just shut down. I think from exhaustion. I remember trying to roll and move last night and waking up from the pain. Finally this morning I was able to move and the migraine lessened.
Today, I am better. I am still hurting right now and am in bed with my backrest pillow, my laptop and my ikea laptop table. I'm hoping that my laptop battery will last longer than the 2.5 hours it says are left, so that I don't have to move. It's 2:40 in the afternoon and I've only left my bed for a granola bar, my laptop and a bathroom break (once). Luckily my brain seems straight and coherent even if my body still hates me right now. I still feel lightly shaky and my head hurts. I'm in a daze still. I can't wait to be able to afford a blood pressure monitor, so that I can see what is going on in my body when I get that bad. Although it seems a bit morbid, I'd also like to videotape one of my episodes because I'm so out of it, I'm not actually sure what is happening. Also I feel like it might be helpful for my doctors to see.
I'm just so utterly grateful that is over. I was so scared and I knew I scared my bf even more as he had the "luxury" of seeing it all. I am such an independent person, I hate having him help me and having him have to "deal" with me. On the other hand I am utterly grateful for his help and support, emotionally and physically.
This has taken forever to write and edit, my hand now hurts and I have less than an hour left on the computer battery. I think it's time to try and see if I can find anything I can eat, that is ready made. I don't want to get up as I know what comes with that. At least I'll get my blood flowing.
I'm so glad that is over with for now.
My head had been hurting for awhile - the usual bad headaches - and it just wouldn't stop. I stopped doing all the millions of items on my to do list even though I knew I had so many important things to get done, including calling my niece for to wish her a happy birthday. I feel like an awful aunt for having to miss that. I felt too nauseous to eat, so I only ate bread and butter for dinner. I drank gatorade. I took two sips of rosehip tea and couldn't do anymore. I was chatting for a bit online with my friend Aaron but it was too taxing. I tried typing and had to concentrate on each letter. Eventually my words became gobbledygook. I told him I couldn't chat anymore with such prophetic words; "I'm done". My father also called, I couldn't answer the phone and my bf was cooking so he couldn't answer the phone either. Dad's message included that he apparently got some stupid charge from the tow company that towed his car, that we were borrowing, although we have coverage and they said we were covered they still sent him a charge. My bf called him back and I tried talking to him but it was too hard. I'm suppose to call the company today to try to straighten things out but I think that will have to wait until tomorrow.
The pain, headache, incoherence and nausea turned to a full blown out episode which means moving to severe migraine zone amongst other things. I wanted to rip my head off from the pain. Any movement was excruciating. I felt like puking everywhere. I fell to the floor in the living room, where I stayed for awhile until John helped me to the bathroom. I took a naproxen while on the floor. I knew my face was continually contorted in pain. I couldn't throw up. It was just my body convulsing in the throw up mode and then just lots of saliva and I guess you'd call it the dry heaves. I couldn't control myself. I couldn't speak properly. My body was shaking. I wanted to go to the hospital but knew I couldn't make it there and figured there wasn't much they could probably do. I think next time if I'm that bad I'll go, at least the craziness will be documented by others. Maybe a saline drip or at least some meds that could have stopped or lessen the pain, even though I hate taking meds, I was desperate enough last night to not care. I was such a mess. John had to carry me from the bathroom floor, into our bedroom. By then it was full blown. I was uncontrollably crying and shaking. My teeth were chattering and my whole body convulsing. I felt short of breath and my head hurt so bad. My head was pulsating so much I felt it was going to explode. My bf had put me under the blankets and curled up behind me, to try and comfort me and warm me up. I couldn't stop thinking about how I just wanted my head to be gone, so I didn't have to feel the pain. After about what I guess was at least 15 minutes the shakes on the outside subsided. The rest took a long time to subside. I still feel shaky today but I'm not shaking violently. I literally couldn't move. I tried to roll over last night and the pain shot through my whole body, emanating from my head. Luckily my body shut down and went to sleep. Literally it just shut down. I think from exhaustion. I remember trying to roll and move last night and waking up from the pain. Finally this morning I was able to move and the migraine lessened.
Today, I am better. I am still hurting right now and am in bed with my backrest pillow, my laptop and my ikea laptop table. I'm hoping that my laptop battery will last longer than the 2.5 hours it says are left, so that I don't have to move. It's 2:40 in the afternoon and I've only left my bed for a granola bar, my laptop and a bathroom break (once). Luckily my brain seems straight and coherent even if my body still hates me right now. I still feel lightly shaky and my head hurts. I'm in a daze still. I can't wait to be able to afford a blood pressure monitor, so that I can see what is going on in my body when I get that bad. Although it seems a bit morbid, I'd also like to videotape one of my episodes because I'm so out of it, I'm not actually sure what is happening. Also I feel like it might be helpful for my doctors to see.
I'm just so utterly grateful that is over. I was so scared and I knew I scared my bf even more as he had the "luxury" of seeing it all. I am such an independent person, I hate having him help me and having him have to "deal" with me. On the other hand I am utterly grateful for his help and support, emotionally and physically.
This has taken forever to write and edit, my hand now hurts and I have less than an hour left on the computer battery. I think it's time to try and see if I can find anything I can eat, that is ready made. I don't want to get up as I know what comes with that. At least I'll get my blood flowing.
I'm so glad that is over with for now.
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