Masters Thesis - Still in Bed but Better

Today is an exception but I feel like I'm making myself better. I'm stuck in bed today after doing way too much this week. My brain is getting in the way of my body. I'm also fearing my thesis. I want to finish it so badly but I'm afraid of doing it as I'm lost as to what I'm doing half the time. I also am so exhausted. Above all I worry because I will get sick from doing it.

I'm plugging away at the life I want and not giving up. I may be a turtle but I'll get there.

Inside a voice tells me I'm not good enough but I'm fighting it off. I am who I am and I'm trying ... That is what matters.

I'm angry at myself and stressed often that I know I could do better and do more but I procrastinate because it isn't easy physically or mentally.

I keep telling myself just get up and do it. Once I start, it's ok. I also have a hard time stopping at times because I want to be the old me and do it all, perfectly. I struggle to stop.

I struggle.

I struggle though because I'm trying so I'm moving forward and getting better.

The little things matter so much.

Time to get up for a bit, water the plants, grab a snack, grab my computer and start into this thesis again.

One more term, is my goal. I thought it would be hard to finish it one term and I barely got anything fine the first term. I didn't want to go past two terms but here I am going into a third. So wish me luck that my stubbornness, mind and body can fight to make this happen on this third term. I couldn't afford one term so the is killing me. Mentally it's the worst. I couldn't imagine attempting this thesis a few years ago. I do feel some better. I think attacking the mast cell has helped but I'm much the same. What had changed is knowledge. I know my body more. I know when I need to stop or go. I know to rest up and father my spoons before big days. I know I can't be the old me and I'm listening to that more.

My advice, move forward bit by but, keep trying and accept you aren't perfect and that's more than ok.

#spoonielove