I Can ... Be a Mother

I have always wanted children but since the onslaught of my illnesses I've been afraid. I didn't decide to have a child, it just happened. I call her my miracle. I feared that it would take me a long time to try to get pregnant as I had, had a LEEP procedure a couple years ago, I had a fibroid at the opening of my uterus and I thought my disorders would make it more difficult.

I suffer for EDS (Ehlers Danlos Syndrome), it is a collagen disorder that makes procreation difficult, with many complications, most prevalent being prone to miscarriages, hemorrhaging, pre term babies, uterine rupture, having a small cervical length that doesn't hold the baby, difficulty healing, adversity to medication, difficult with epidurals ... and the list goes on.

My very pregnant self a week or so before Zoey was born at about 37 weeks.

My pregnancy was very difficult as was labour but here she is. I love her so much and I just have to say ... I'm doing it. I'm not perfect and we may have to spend extra time in bed chilling out here and there but we're happy.

Zoey about a half hour old

I want to write a million posts and passages on how difficult it has been, the trials and tribulations along with my tips but I can not as it would take ages and my child is waking up after setting her down for a matter of 3 minutes, maybe ... tops?  ... Okay, we're back but still I absolutely never have time to do anything, in a life that was already difficult to complete basic tasks but it's somehow possible to do more every day because she's counting on me.

I have a colicky child with acid reflux. She wants to be held all the time. It's very hard but it's possible. I am stronger now. I can do more than I ever was able to before because I need to. Love stretches reality. I also wonder if the hormonal changes in my body have effected me in a positive way.

Tummy time at almost 3 months old.

I have almost passed out with her in a carrier on my chest. I feel ill walking around my kitchen table in the middle of the night with my child screaming but the worst is they cry a bit while you pull yourself together and reassure them with your voice. It breaks your heart to hear them cry but she can't communicate any other way right now.

I may not be a perfect mom but who is. My daughter gets fed, changed, burped and most of all loved. My mind is in perfect order (except for the occasional brain fog mixed with mommy brain) and I am able to teach her. She is growing every day and I am responsible for her.

My baby Zoey at 3 months old snuggling in with me.

I am so happy. I can't believe I'm a mommy. I am so lucky. I hope if your heart desires that you get such a chance. For those with similar disabilities or those who are just curious, please feel free to comment below with questions you may have on what I went through on my journey to giving birth and how I handle parenting with my disabilities. It's difficult but it's possible.