I CAN !!!!! ...
My life has completely changed. I'm obviously not cured but I'm changing my life. I have taken a hold of my future. It's not easy but I'm doing it. I'm utterly exhausted from it but I'm also very invigorated by it. I can see the changes I have made this last year and a half. I have changed my attitude and have found a new mantra, "It is my responsibility to figure out what I want in my life and my responsibility to work at getting it."
I am now pushing to get to a point where I can get off of ODSP. I am currently working 4 jobs, working on 3 renovations and being a single Mom of a now 3.5 year old.
I have no time. It's not easy. It's overwhelming. I still get sick ... BUT I feel so proud of myself and so much more in control of my body and my life. I didn't think this was possible for the last 6 years or so. I really thought there's no way I could improve because I tried so hard over and over. I was stuck in bed so often. I would literally get up and push myself only to literally fall down and pass out over and over and over again.
At this point I think my culmination of pushing myself for so many years is coming to fruition. I, on a whole, feel better. I'm off of medication (mostly because I had a kid and couldn't take them during pregnancy + while breastfeeding and then I stayed off them because the side effects made it hard to watch my child and then because I was hoping that I would be able to stay off them as I won't have medical coverage to pay them if I go off of ODSP). My resting heart rate is much lower. It used to be often around a 100 bpm after the accident but now it's often around 80 bpm.
I'm writing this post for myself but also for all of you out there that are struggling. I really struggled in the past and couldn't find hope even though I searched for it everywhere. What do you want in your life? Even if it seems impossible, there are baby steps you can take to do almost anything, even those things that are out of this world. It sounds so cheesy but you are in control of your own life, of the path you are taking, of your future, of everything in your life. Now that being said fate often throws itself at you and life isn't fair. Not everything will go your way in life. Life isn't easy but it's your responsibility to set your life going where you want it to, even if it's at a painstakingly slow pace and even if you have zero dollars, no physical ability to do what you want, even if you do not have support etc., etc. It's hard to admit but I threw blame and fault around a lot. It was all true but it didn't help my life. It wasn't my fault I became disabled. It wasn't my fault every facet of my life became a mess but it was my fault that I let it consume me and all my hopes and dreams. I never gave up hope even after failing for years. I'm sure I have a lot of failing to do ahead of me but that's almost kind of exciting after being bed bound so often, for so long.
A person just recently said to me that you only have to be brave for a small minute amount of time. You just have to get the ball rolling.
It is now my responsibility to try to weave through a path that will hopefully ultimately lead to a brighter future. For me that means a future where I can work again full time, make some money again, be able to fix my home that is falling apart, be able to design homes again and be able to take time off to appreciate this life I do have and the friends and family I love so much.
I hope all of you can find a bit of what you want for your life and go for it full boar. YOU CAN! Tell me your aspirations however simple or grand, attainable or far fetched they may be. Sometimes just saying it, or in this case writing it gets the ball rolling.
Much love to all of you, Rose
I am now pushing to get to a point where I can get off of ODSP. I am currently working 4 jobs, working on 3 renovations and being a single Mom of a now 3.5 year old.
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| Zoey and I this past weekend at Grandad's 70th birthday |
I have no time. It's not easy. It's overwhelming. I still get sick ... BUT I feel so proud of myself and so much more in control of my body and my life. I didn't think this was possible for the last 6 years or so. I really thought there's no way I could improve because I tried so hard over and over. I was stuck in bed so often. I would literally get up and push myself only to literally fall down and pass out over and over and over again.
At this point I think my culmination of pushing myself for so many years is coming to fruition. I, on a whole, feel better. I'm off of medication (mostly because I had a kid and couldn't take them during pregnancy + while breastfeeding and then I stayed off them because the side effects made it hard to watch my child and then because I was hoping that I would be able to stay off them as I won't have medical coverage to pay them if I go off of ODSP). My resting heart rate is much lower. It used to be often around a 100 bpm after the accident but now it's often around 80 bpm.
I'm writing this post for myself but also for all of you out there that are struggling. I really struggled in the past and couldn't find hope even though I searched for it everywhere. What do you want in your life? Even if it seems impossible, there are baby steps you can take to do almost anything, even those things that are out of this world. It sounds so cheesy but you are in control of your own life, of the path you are taking, of your future, of everything in your life. Now that being said fate often throws itself at you and life isn't fair. Not everything will go your way in life. Life isn't easy but it's your responsibility to set your life going where you want it to, even if it's at a painstakingly slow pace and even if you have zero dollars, no physical ability to do what you want, even if you do not have support etc., etc. It's hard to admit but I threw blame and fault around a lot. It was all true but it didn't help my life. It wasn't my fault I became disabled. It wasn't my fault every facet of my life became a mess but it was my fault that I let it consume me and all my hopes and dreams. I never gave up hope even after failing for years. I'm sure I have a lot of failing to do ahead of me but that's almost kind of exciting after being bed bound so often, for so long.
A person just recently said to me that you only have to be brave for a small minute amount of time. You just have to get the ball rolling.
It is now my responsibility to try to weave through a path that will hopefully ultimately lead to a brighter future. For me that means a future where I can work again full time, make some money again, be able to fix my home that is falling apart, be able to design homes again and be able to take time off to appreciate this life I do have and the friends and family I love so much.
I hope all of you can find a bit of what you want for your life and go for it full boar. YOU CAN! Tell me your aspirations however simple or grand, attainable or far fetched they may be. Sometimes just saying it, or in this case writing it gets the ball rolling.
Much love to all of you, Rose
Wow!
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