I have decided today to focus on myself and my life a bit more. One of those better to yourself = better life and better to others. I have been pushing myself a lot lately. I just had a beautiful weekend in Muskoka at a friend's cottage for another mutual friend's wedding.
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The Cottage Pet Chipmunk
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I did way more than I should of ... I danced my heart out, ate and drank waaaay too much alcohol, not enough gatorade, along with a super full day (for someone with POTS + paid the price along), I went on a tube in the water, got too much sun (with sunscreen though), was outside when it was too cold (got the shakes), I didn't lay down too much, didn't sleep much and I had more fun than I have in ages. I felt a little bit like my old non-stop run around self, especially on the tube. [I used to be a dare devil of minor sorts]. I had struggles this weekend and still find myself understood and continually explaining my condition (boring). I want to be me again, even if it's just briefly here and there. I wish that I had a heart rate, blood pressure, adrenaline, b12 monitor above my head at all times. I feel that maybe then someone can see in some way what is going on inside of me, when I don't show it on the outside. I am so tired after this weekend, I uncontrollably fell asleep most of the 6 hours back home. I am going to be one tired lady but I'm going to keep barrelling on through the pain, in hopes that I will give myself enough strength physically to not get any worse. I never want to be permanently bed bound. I also find I am forceable less bed bound than I used to be. It's a start.
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| On the Boat, Hair Flying |
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| This Was My Dinner |
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| View From Our Table - Taboo Resort, Muskoka |
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| John and I All Dressed Up |
Every time I see my friends or dive into the outside world, I find myself jealous. I want to be okay. I want to be able to pay for things. I want to go out. I want to have fun. I want to fix this house. I want to be able to save money. I want to go on vacation. I want a JOB. I want a couple best friends. I want to dance. I want to cook. I want to be able to shower again. I want to one day get married. I want kids. I want someone to love me for who I really am and I want to feel special. I'm fighting to see if I can have any of this with POTS.
I am willing to try anything for some happiness, stability and some stress relief.
I want to try working on me, instead of focusing just on what has to be done. I know I don't have much energy and I take a million times longer to do most things than others but I'm up for the challenge.
Step One ... I need to be able to live in this house, realistically one day and move all of my things here and do that whole unpacking thing. So I am going to start a blog of the slow progress, scarily share it with others, in hopes that they won't judge the squaller in which I live and hope to have an outlet for my architectural design and knowledge.
Time to focus a little more on what I can do with this brain and body that I still have.
So tonight I will start this page and hopefully I can do it alongside my POTS blog.
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| Last Sunset in the Muskokas for the Long Weekend |
For all those POTsies out there, and POTsies' families ... what are you doing to help yourself get by mentally and physically?
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