Energy

I have been asked and often think of what is my worst symptom.

What I've realized is the worst is a lack of energy, the extreme fatigue.

This sounds crazy when you think of all the bad symptoms there are like migraines, nausea, pain, gastrointestinal problems, breathing and blood pressure issues, allergic skin reactions, joints popping out, exercise intolerance, not being able to stand ... But in the end it's true. A complete lack of energy and utter exhaustion as one entity is the hardest symptom for me to deal with. I've also heard it from many other potsies and those with chronic illnesses.

It's the most difficult because I can deal with the pain. I get moments of reprieve from other symptoms but I don't get it from the fatigue. It's constant and never ending.

I once cried to my bf back in the fall. I cried such happy tears because I felt energy and in turn felt overwhelming joy. In the four plus years I have been battling this I can't think of more than a few times I have felt energy. That day was the first time I had felt it strongly and for more than an hour.

This complete exhaustion that you fight all the time just takes over your life. So often I crash for days after a simple outing or get together. I put up fronts with people and even with myself; I fain energy but that is how I get through and make things happen.

I just want to feel alive again.

I was ever so lucky to feel energy again yesterday. I did too much and have crashed and burned today but it was amazingly soul satisfying. Here I am in bed bound mode trying to sit up but that's pretty normal for me lately.

I guess that's what it comes down to, my soul is more important than my body. I want to feel energy. I know physical strength and ability further that bodily energy but I think the spirit is greater. I want to be able to get up and go in my mind even if it hurts and doesn't work out so well.

Yesterday meeting with my  neurologist this is probably the most important thing we discussed. I am trying a new med to see if it helps. I'm an anti pill popper but have realized sometimes nothing else works. In that regard I'm also trying to work on what I eat and do to increase energy though food and exercise. Above all I am trying to work on my lifestyle and stress. It's probably a huge factor in boosting the energy of the soul. So if my brain and body won't produce energy and are constantly fatigued, I have to keep figuring out ways to boost my energy on my own, a little bit at a time.

Today I'm in recovery mode from the joy of yesterday's energy but damn did it feel good.

Be happy to feel alive today and healthy if you are. If you aren't healthy, work towards feeding your soul some other way.